What is Abuse?

Abuse is when someone tries to have power and control over you. It can be physical, verbal, emotional, sexual or financial. 
It includes things like:

• pushing, shoving, hitting, kicking, punching
• name-calling, put-downs, insults, forced sex
• jealously keeping you from family/friends
• scaring you, threats of harm, stalking
• controlling money, food, physical care, medication
• neglect of an older person by family/caregiver

Abuse can happen to anyone.  If you are being abused you are not alone and you are not to blame. You have a right to be safe.  Help is out there.


Creating a Safety Plan

If you are in an abusive relationship and decide you may need to leave, you should make a safety plan.  Here are some suggestions:

• Plan a safe place to go to and how to get there.
• Do not tell your partner that you are planning to leave.
• Develop a list of emergency telephone numbers that includes police, women's shelters and 24-hour crisis centres.  The front of the telephone book is the best way to find these fast.
• Keep extra money, clothing, car/house keys, a few toys, medications, important papers (I.D., health card, SIN, bank, credit cards) hidden and easy to grab.
• Keep your gas tank at least half full.
• Teach your children to call police/go to neighbours.
• Let others whom you trust know about the abuse.
• Ask neighbours to call police if they think you need help.
• Call police if you are being assaulted.
• Know your exact address including lot and concession numbers if you live in a rural area.
• Take your children with you when you leave, if possible.

Where to go for Help

The following numbers offer crisis help for women in Peterborough County, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
 

Police/Ambulance	911
YWCA Crossroads Shelter	1-800-461-7656
Assaulted Women's Help Line	1-866-863-0511
Peterborough Regional Health Centre Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Response Team	(705) 876-5022
Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre	1-866-298-7778
Children's Aid Society	1-800-661-2843
Kids Help Phone	1-800-668-6868
Community agencies to contact for  information and support:	...
YWCA Counselling Services	(705) 743-3526
Community Counselling & Resource Centre	(705) 742-4258

You may also talk to your doctor, health care provider or religious leader.

For more extensive information and support see the web links in the left sidebar under "Links about this subject chosen by our staff".

How Healthy is Your Relationship?

If your relationship with your partner is a HEALTHY one, you and your partner will feel good about yourselves and value each other.  However, sometimes relationships can be HURTFUL and have a negative effect on your feelings of self-worth and self-confidence. 
If this is the case, you are in an UNHEALTHY relationship. 

Try the Relationship Quiz below.  Keep track of your answers as "yes", "no" or "sometimes", and use the key at the bottom to evaluate your relationship.

1.	Do you and your partner respect each other's feelings, opinions and differences?
2.	Does your partner frequently check up on you or act jealously or possessively towards you?
3.	Does your partner keep you from being in touch with family and friends?
4.	Do you and your partner trust each other?
5.	Does your partner play "head games" or make you question yourself?
6.	Does your partner criticize your appearance, ideas, family and friends, or embarrass you in front of others?
7.	Do you and your partner share decisions about how money is spent?
8.	Do you and your partner talk, act and resolve conflicts in ways that make you both feel comfortable and safe?
9.	Does your partner boss you around, give orders, or make most of the decisions?
10.	Does your partner slap, push, punch or kick you?
11.	Does your partner ever restrain you or hold you against your will?
12.	Do you get pressured or forced to have sex when you don't want to?
13.	Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?
14.	Does your partner threaten to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets?
15.	Does your partner shout, yell, put you down, or call you names?
16.	Do you and your partner support each other's individual goals and interests?
17.	Does your partner blame you for making the abuse happen?
18.	Does your partner deny that there is a problem?
19.	Does your partner have a quick temper, a history of mistreating others or himself/herself?
20.	Do you and your partner feel safe when you talk openly and honestly with each other?

If you answered "yes" to questions 1, 4, 7, 8, 16, or 20 these are signs you are in a healthy relationship.

If you did not answer "yes" to questions 1, 4, 7, 8, 16, or 20 
OR
If you answered "yes" or "sometimes" to any of the other questions, you may need to examine your relationship more closely.  You could be in an abusive relationship.  Consult the contact list under 
"Where To Go For Help" to find someone to talk to.